Not Hopeless

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2010/09/29/cruel_boston/

A three year old was intentionally shot and killed in Boston. This is not hopeless, it is outrageous. I do not believe that anyone can be born "bad", although it is tempting to attribute an innate disposition to the horrors we hear of. Consequently, we do not have to try and comprehend how someone just like ourselves could murder a defenseless child. We choose not to grapple with the fact that we have been raised in the same society that can deform people to such an extent that they rip apart peoples' lives. The disturbing fact is that these murders are only surprising relative to the three year old. However, I find that I am not shocked when I hear of the murders that take place on a regular basis. I am not shocked and therefore unaffected. I am unaffected and therefore do nothing.

If we are not innately evil, then there must be potential for good. I think the question is what was missing in the lives of the murderers that made them who they have become. How can someone be deprived of a chance to exploit their goodness? My sense, based on my own upbringing, is that these people, as children, were not exposed to an alternative. These people, as adults, were given up as a lost cause. As alternatives, no matter how profoundly an alternate, we are obligated to provide that exposure. I think the more we take it upon ourselves to do this, the less likely our three year old neighbor is to be shot.

The founder of City Year, Michael Brown, envisions the national service movement expanding to such an extent that in addition to asking young people where they plan on attending college, we will be asking what they plan to do for their year of service. I graduated with a class of 300. Imagine 50% of my class chose to do a year of service, and each affected on average 2 people. Pretend 50% of all high schoolers in Columbus opted for a year of service and each profoundly impacted 2 people. Ripples start small, with individuals, but I think we must believe in their potential to spread and build upon each other. Finally, we will have a powerful movement of change, but we must take the first step as individuals.

I heard about this today and wanted to write in addition to what I wrote yesterday.

Nora

Experiences with the Kids

Next Monday I start working full time in the school. I will be there doing in class support from 7:40 until 3:30, and then I help run an after school program until 5:30. Recently I have been in the classroom a couple of days a week, during which time I have experienced some sparkling moments as well as many extended moments of trial. It is challenging for me to tap into patience and trust that eventually I will establish positive relationships with these kids. I seriously expect those fleeting sparkling moments to create for me a genuine respect and responsiveness. Wrong. Very wrong.

I have not been given the authority in the classroom to participate in the "redirection" program. Consequently, I have had to choose the battle that I will undoubtedly win (there are not many to choose from). Unfortunately, I am not very adept at identifying those guaranteed successes. I am continuously learning which battles I tend to lose the hard way. One of the more pointed lessons on this subject happened last week with a student named Terry who decided to make his desk a drum during the lecture. I thought it was strange that the teachers were not addressing this, and as I found it distracting, I assumed that other kids felt the same (however subconsciously). I finally told him to abstain. He looked up at me, faltered for a matter of seconds and continued. Not wanting to have a discussion while the teacher was talking, I backed off. Class 1 - Nora 0.

Last Thursday I finished the school day on a bad note. There is a girl in my class, Jewel, who is an infamous bully. I was sitting on the carpet with Lamont working on vocabulary when she walked by and said something to him that included the word "fish". I had just learned that this word is actually a derogatory term for homosexuals and that my school in particular had issues using it, but Lamont has no characteristics that are stereotypically associated with that sexual orientation, so I was struggling to figure out what had just happened. I tried to see if Lamont seemed negatively affected by what she had just said. He only looked slightly perturbed.

Finally, I asked him. She had called him "fish-lips". My mind started racing for what to say to reassure him of the inaccuracy of the statement without coming across cliche and mother-like. Finally I settled for "You know you're pretty good looking, right? Have people told you that before?"..... Failed.

I went out and talked to Her. Instead of engaging and asking Jewel questions, I talked at her, and every word was absorbed with a domineering smile. I told her that she had to find a time to apologize. Apparently he had called her "fish-lips" and "hippo". I said that I would address that later, but she had to redeem herself. I saw her enter the room with the same smile and seek out Lamont. I assumed the best. Lesson: Do not make a child lie.

Next thing I knew Lamont had disappeared. I went into the hallway where Jewel had returned. And Lamont was retreating rapidly towards the bathroom. I called him back over and stated that I understood that he had called Jewel mean names as well. She smiled. Lamont kept walking away denying that he had said anything. I didn't buy it and drew him over and said that he ought to apologize. Suddenly he started to cry and roll away from me saying that he had never called her any names. I looked at the smirking Jewel and understood that he wasn't lying. I could not deal with Jewel then as Lamont had worked himself into a real state and I felt obligated to calm him down. I walked him outside and started talking with him asking him questions. Apparently, when Jewel had apologized she said "sorry fish-lips". I felt awful for Lamont and having really exacerbated the bullying.

Looking back I would have changed everything in how I handled the situation. Unfortunately, I feel this way about many disciplinary scenarios I have dealt with thus far. Hopefully I will do well analyzing all these and make the necessary adjustments.

Wish me Luck.

Nora

Homeless Man

The contents of this website do not reflect in any way the positions of City Year or AmeriCorps. For official City Year policy see www.cityyear.org. (yes this has to happen)

Before I start, I want everyone to watch this 2 minute video clip on City Year from the perspective of a fifth grader- it is awesome!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yezc00Cj9q8&feature=player_embedded

I have been in Boston 5 weeks and with City Year for 1 month and already I am changing. I have been fortunate enough to be completely enveloped by people whose goodness manifests differently or more effectively than my own. Like osmosis, the actions of my teammates and roommates are affecting me beyond my control- I am just soaking it in and hopefully reciprocating. I could go on and on about individuals, but I will give you a quick picture assuming I will be writing about this a lot in the upcoming months.

Each Friday morning City Year (in every site across the country) does something called PT. We say the city year pledge and the PT chant and finally we do physical training (awesome moves that I am sure Kate will be happy to demonstrate for those of you in Columbus). Each team (each at a different school) has to conquer the PT routine (absolute uniformity and perfection) in order to earn an essential uniform part: the Timbaland boots.

My team was practicing Wednesday afternoon when a homeless man approached my teammate Lisa and started talking to her about City Year and how it's so great. He was clearly in no mood to end soon, and Lisa is the type of person that will listen attentively and reach out to everyone (barring the violent) and she was not about to cut this man off. Some members of my team were saying: "Come on we have to practice- say something nice to him and then cut him off as politely as possible". Others were laughing, because Lisa frequently has stories of crazy people that shout at her or talk to her in the street, and it was striking that in a large group of people this man chose her to talk to. I participated in both reactions. Finally, we told the man that we had to practice and we started to move.

After the man had left one of our team leaders (City Year corps members who have returned to lead teams for their second year of service), Sam, called us out saying that it is unacceptable to ever laugh at a man like that. The abruptness of his comment and an immediate reflection on my behavior really startled me and made me feel very dramatically down. It was one of those moments that affects you more than you can account for. Our other team leader, Kevin, picked up on how I was feeling (it was unfortunately visible) and quietly came over to me during our routine to make sure that I was alright. Not wanting to make a scene I shook my head indicating that I was fine.

I recovered a semblance of composure and another teammate Eliza, asked me what was wrong? I knew that if I opened my mouth, I would demonstrate the opposite of being okay (a state I wanted to be), so I kept it clamped shut and shook my head again. We finished our practice and she came up to me again, and this time I felt more at ease talking with her. When the team arrived back at head quarters Kevin pulled me aside despite my reassurances that my reaction wasn't in fact a reaction to anything. I was just in one of those weird moods. He disregarded this and asked me again what was wrong. It was nice that Kevin and Eliza not only noticed, but persisted in trying to help me out.

I write this story not to relay a drama that in reality makes me cringe, but instead to point out that in the course of an hour I observed 4 of my 17 member team acting in a way that I will reflect upon in the future and try to emulate. For this reason I love meeting new people. It is not always apparent to me when I am doing something that does not reflect my values or when I should be more actively good, but when I meet and get to know others I find so many specific ways that I can improve, and specifics really help. Getting to know new people acts like religion for me.

I would love to hear feedback from those of you reading this blog in the form of "comments" or whatever. I write this not only to keep people informed, but also to keep working on my writing, so constructive feedback is crucial!!!! Also I am introducing City Year terms that I have to keep in mind you may not be familiar with: corps member versus team leader, for example. If I need to clarify further these terms or anything else that I am writing about, Hit me up!!!

Until Next Week,

Nora

First Day of School

Wednesday was the first day of school at Boston Renaissance. I started out the day in the cafeteria where I am supposed to greet kids- addressing, by creating a warm environment, the attendance issue that many underperforming schools have. By 8:05 everyone is in the classrooms. I spent -and will spend until June- each day in the 6th grade classroom with 2 co-teachers, Mr. Cobble and Ms. Kennedy (pseudonyms), who teach english and social studies to two 6th grade classes. Both teachers are new to the school, to Boston, to City Year, and to each other. I found watching the teachers progress, often as a fly on the wall, very interesting. It is so easy to identify things I would change in their approach, which is probably why many teachers dislike having other adults in the room. Ms. Kennedy informed me yesterday that she had never had one other adult in the room let alone two. She didn't seem overjoyed at the prospect.

There are going to be many knots to work out among us. Happily, both teachers tried to find a place for me in the flow of chaos. They are not teaching subjects now, but instead are introducing the students to rules and expectations through a variety of activities. There was a lot of work for the students to do independently (a euphemism for silently)and I consequently spent most of the day wandering about the classroom trying to find ways to be helpful. I struggled to contain my assistance to merely answering questions, because inevitably there would be some conversational exchange during the "silent work period". One student was clearly not working on the time line of his life (4 main events), so I thought I would go over and give him a little incentive. He had only filled out 1 of the 4 squares, so I started asking him what he was thinking he'd do for the 2nd. He didn't know. I suggested enthusiastically the first day he went to school and to add a little pomp I gave my own description: walking into school with your uniform, backpack, and lunch box- smiley and excited. He didn't go to this school and didn't wear a uniform. This prompted a conversation with his neighbor and he was lost to me.

There is one kid in the class, Lamont, that has already been singled out as one of the students I will be focusing on this year. Lamont reminds me of flubber (Flubber, 1997, starring Robin Williams). He is up and down, this way and that- I have never seen one kid create such an impression of movement within a 2 ft by 2 ft area. Needless to say at recess he was tapping the rebound away from his jumping classmates that had a one foot advantage over him and like the road runner he would zoom around them to ensure that he got the tap himself. Although he's a basically good kid, his energy is a source of major distraction for his classmates let alone himself, so I have been working with him whenever he is supposed to be doing work independently. I've been talking with him about football and his aspirations in that field. It's been excellent, because I am able to keep him on task and he is able to let off steam. I think our group in the corner is going to grow over the course of the year, and I feel that I can be a real help playing this part.