It is hard to believe that I last posted on this blog a month ago. So much has happened since that I hardly know where to start.

I suppose it is good to start regarding my role at the school. My role has been ambiguous at best and nonexistent at worst. Because conduct in my classroom can be out of control, and is always teetering towards chaos, my role in the classroom has understandably not been a high priority for the teachers. Fortunately, this week I will start to have a more consistent job. I will be running a center in the classroom focused on the students that are either doing well or are on the verge of success. Even the kids that do well on tests fail to complete and turn in work, because concentration is such a grind in my classroom. There is so much movement and action going on, that even if the noise level is reasonable, the students' attention is perpetually diverted.

Every week I find that I enjoy more and more what I am doing. This is mostly due to the relationships I am developing with my students. In the past two weeks, I have made breakthroughs with most of the students that were the most resistant. It is so exciting. Students that really struggle to do work in class, and apparently everywhere else, sought me out to see if they could work with me in the hall. I even had a group of the most disruptive students in the hall with me, and they were working silently and independently on their work.

One of the girls in that group will do anything to avoid work: going to the nurse, getting a folder, binder, pencil from the classroom next door, the bathroom, and sometimes she just leaves the classroom without asking. Another girl in the group has been in the past the student that has shown me the most disrespect. She has yelled at me in front of other students, demanding to know why I am at the school, saying that I need to back off and mind my own business, etc. This week, for the first time, she did what I asked of her without challenging me, she participated in this group with her best friend (the before mentioned spas) and she worked silently. There were two other boys in the group as well, one of which is one of the lowest performers in the class, and the other performs well, but in the meantime distracts everyone around him. They both did their work and I only had to redirect them to focus twice in 45 minutes (this is really good for those of you that are unimpressed).

When students have missed days over the past couple of weeks, I have had the opportunity to take them out in the hall and catch them up on the book, "Number the Stars", that they are reading in class. I had to read four chapters with a tough group one day, and the last two chapters they were really struggling to concentrate. I recalled that one of the senior corps members had mentioned doing something called readers theater with his kids. I really didn't know how that worked, but I thought maybe if I mix up the way I read the kids will be more engaged. So I read the remainder in accents. Later that week, I decided that it could be even better if I acted out what exactly was happening as I read, and this worked pretty well. I think next time I will encourage any students I do this with to do the acting themselves.

The other day I was working in the hall with one of the lowest performing students on independent work. Independent work is supposed to be independent, so I was trying to lend the least amount of support possible, while still encouraging her to keep at the work successfully. She was really struggling to think of an antonym for town, so I started asking her questions that I thought might help her in the thought process. She wasn't getting it. I was so tempted to tell her the answer, because I thought, "She is so far from getting this answer that maybe I should give her just this one", but I just couldn't do it, we had spent too much time on the question. Finally, I physically saw a light bulb go off in her head and she shouted, "City". We were so excited that we did several celebration handshakes before returning to work.

Another kid, D, that I don't have a chance to see very often, because he is in a resource room with one of my teammates, but that I feel unusually drawn to, is another that would just dismiss me like I was dirt on his shoulder the first several weeks. A while ago he was not able to go to the resource room, and he so he chilled on the carpet in my room reading a NFL magazine. He finished with the magazine and was about to go to sleep, so I decided to take him to the library thinking that maybe we could find some more sports magazines he would be interested in; at least he would be reading.

In our walk to the library, our discussion of sports somehow morphed into one on animals, and we ended up spending about 45 minutes in the library looking for books on animals. He is especially intrigued by spiders. We finally ended up talking about aliens and the universe and how he enjoys watching the discovery channel. He asked me some questions that I could not answer, so he asked if we could search for the answers on google. Reluctantly, thinking that I had not brought him to the library to get on the internet, I said yes. Well, each time we found an answer on google, one of us came up with another question to ask, and we got progressively excited. Finally, we ended up searching what would happen to the earth if it would lose the its atmosphere. I think I learned more than he did.

D makes himself coffee many mornings, takes care of younger siblings, and doesn't seem to have many close friends, although people in the class seem to revere and respect him. He is passionate about basketball, football, and aliens. He seemed to me strangely independent. I made headway with him in the library, and since he has respected me and responded to me in a way I wouldn't have imagined after the first two weeks in school. He had a really rough day recently and was sent to the disciplinarian's office. Turns out an agency was coming to take his brother away the following day.

Growing up I have been aware of similar stories, but for me they seemed so overwhelming that they became insurmountable. I wonder if despite all D has had to deal with, someone like me, someone who is only in his life for one school year, can make a lasting difference. I suppose I am doing City Year, because I do believe in the power of an individual who really cares and believes, but at the same time, D is a twelve year old who has had to work against nature. It is hard to imagine anyone growing up and moving beyond such circumstances. I love what I do more and more because I understand more fully every week that I am part of a movement to empower these kids to rise above their experiences. City Year wouldn't exist if this really wasn't possible.

Bing!

Bing! in City Year is supposed to reflect a revelation of some kind. I had this revelation talking to my family about the fact that I was already struggling with my attitude towards working at the school. I felt that my experience during the few days I spent at the school the month of September were divided into small moments. Before this past week the bad moments in the classroom outweighed the positive ones. I was overwhelmed by the prospect of feeling this way for the next 10 months. Talking with my family, I had a Bing! moment.

It is up to me to tip the scale in the positive direction. I believe we have that conscious power, so I tried it. Monday morning I kept repeating to myself that, no matter what, I would have an "excellent day". I did. Every day I had an excellent day.

I truly reveled in the positive moments. The negative downers were still there, in fact, there was one very down moment during the course of one day, but still, by the end I felt like the negative moments held little consequence for me. For example, I was given a small group to work with in filling out their study guide for a test they were to have on Friday. This group consisted of the students that struggle the most in the class. I started out with 6 kids and ended with 3. During the course of the 45 minutes I was with the whole group the teacher kept stopping the class to say that it was too loud, especially my group in the corner. When I was focused on helping one kid on a question, the others would start talking about shoes. I tried incorporating everyone in answering people's questions, but most kids had no recollection of the book we just finished reading in class, so they weren't much help to each other. 3 kids got so frustrated that I could not focus individually on them that they up and left. I didn't even try to stop them, knowing that it was a lost battle. (I am now very deliberate on what I choose to take up with the kids.)

I was supposed to have my own group with the second class we work with after lunch, but that didn't happen. The first was not a great success. I told my teammates this story, and they expressed their condolences, but that was not what I was looking for. I viewed that experience comically. So far I feel that I have been effective in floating around the class working with individuals, but I am definitely going to have to work on my capacity to work with a group. I am not discouraged, because I know it will take time and I already have ideas that I need to share with my teachers on what I can improve.

I have not had to consciously twist all my negative stories into comedies in order to feel good about this week. I have also had overwhelmingly good experiences too. One kid in my class, Lance, is always in trouble. He is always shouting out, saying rude and disrespectful things. Whenever I went up to him he would groan and mutter mean things about me "under his breath" (although it was all sufficiently loud to be understood). One day I asked him why he always groaned and said mean things to me, and I said it in a joking-"I will keep checking in on you kind of voice", and he just smiled to himself and turned away. On Thursday he was in the group described in the previous paragraphs, and although he saw his classmates freely leaving the group, he stayed, and seemed to want (although he did not actively seek) my assistance.

Also we have been running the after school program for the first time this week, and there is one kid in my teammate, Jeff's, class who apparently is the biggest negative influence in the class. I have made a really strong connection with him some how in after school. On Thursday he stayed behind after kids had gone down to snack, and when I suggested that he join them, he said he wanted to wait for me.

The smallest things weigh the most for me right now.

Not Hopeless

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2010/09/29/cruel_boston/

A three year old was intentionally shot and killed in Boston. This is not hopeless, it is outrageous. I do not believe that anyone can be born "bad", although it is tempting to attribute an innate disposition to the horrors we hear of. Consequently, we do not have to try and comprehend how someone just like ourselves could murder a defenseless child. We choose not to grapple with the fact that we have been raised in the same society that can deform people to such an extent that they rip apart peoples' lives. The disturbing fact is that these murders are only surprising relative to the three year old. However, I find that I am not shocked when I hear of the murders that take place on a regular basis. I am not shocked and therefore unaffected. I am unaffected and therefore do nothing.

If we are not innately evil, then there must be potential for good. I think the question is what was missing in the lives of the murderers that made them who they have become. How can someone be deprived of a chance to exploit their goodness? My sense, based on my own upbringing, is that these people, as children, were not exposed to an alternative. These people, as adults, were given up as a lost cause. As alternatives, no matter how profoundly an alternate, we are obligated to provide that exposure. I think the more we take it upon ourselves to do this, the less likely our three year old neighbor is to be shot.

The founder of City Year, Michael Brown, envisions the national service movement expanding to such an extent that in addition to asking young people where they plan on attending college, we will be asking what they plan to do for their year of service. I graduated with a class of 300. Imagine 50% of my class chose to do a year of service, and each affected on average 2 people. Pretend 50% of all high schoolers in Columbus opted for a year of service and each profoundly impacted 2 people. Ripples start small, with individuals, but I think we must believe in their potential to spread and build upon each other. Finally, we will have a powerful movement of change, but we must take the first step as individuals.

I heard about this today and wanted to write in addition to what I wrote yesterday.

Nora

Experiences with the Kids

Next Monday I start working full time in the school. I will be there doing in class support from 7:40 until 3:30, and then I help run an after school program until 5:30. Recently I have been in the classroom a couple of days a week, during which time I have experienced some sparkling moments as well as many extended moments of trial. It is challenging for me to tap into patience and trust that eventually I will establish positive relationships with these kids. I seriously expect those fleeting sparkling moments to create for me a genuine respect and responsiveness. Wrong. Very wrong.

I have not been given the authority in the classroom to participate in the "redirection" program. Consequently, I have had to choose the battle that I will undoubtedly win (there are not many to choose from). Unfortunately, I am not very adept at identifying those guaranteed successes. I am continuously learning which battles I tend to lose the hard way. One of the more pointed lessons on this subject happened last week with a student named Terry who decided to make his desk a drum during the lecture. I thought it was strange that the teachers were not addressing this, and as I found it distracting, I assumed that other kids felt the same (however subconsciously). I finally told him to abstain. He looked up at me, faltered for a matter of seconds and continued. Not wanting to have a discussion while the teacher was talking, I backed off. Class 1 - Nora 0.

Last Thursday I finished the school day on a bad note. There is a girl in my class, Jewel, who is an infamous bully. I was sitting on the carpet with Lamont working on vocabulary when she walked by and said something to him that included the word "fish". I had just learned that this word is actually a derogatory term for homosexuals and that my school in particular had issues using it, but Lamont has no characteristics that are stereotypically associated with that sexual orientation, so I was struggling to figure out what had just happened. I tried to see if Lamont seemed negatively affected by what she had just said. He only looked slightly perturbed.

Finally, I asked him. She had called him "fish-lips". My mind started racing for what to say to reassure him of the inaccuracy of the statement without coming across cliche and mother-like. Finally I settled for "You know you're pretty good looking, right? Have people told you that before?"..... Failed.

I went out and talked to Her. Instead of engaging and asking Jewel questions, I talked at her, and every word was absorbed with a domineering smile. I told her that she had to find a time to apologize. Apparently he had called her "fish-lips" and "hippo". I said that I would address that later, but she had to redeem herself. I saw her enter the room with the same smile and seek out Lamont. I assumed the best. Lesson: Do not make a child lie.

Next thing I knew Lamont had disappeared. I went into the hallway where Jewel had returned. And Lamont was retreating rapidly towards the bathroom. I called him back over and stated that I understood that he had called Jewel mean names as well. She smiled. Lamont kept walking away denying that he had said anything. I didn't buy it and drew him over and said that he ought to apologize. Suddenly he started to cry and roll away from me saying that he had never called her any names. I looked at the smirking Jewel and understood that he wasn't lying. I could not deal with Jewel then as Lamont had worked himself into a real state and I felt obligated to calm him down. I walked him outside and started talking with him asking him questions. Apparently, when Jewel had apologized she said "sorry fish-lips". I felt awful for Lamont and having really exacerbated the bullying.

Looking back I would have changed everything in how I handled the situation. Unfortunately, I feel this way about many disciplinary scenarios I have dealt with thus far. Hopefully I will do well analyzing all these and make the necessary adjustments.

Wish me Luck.

Nora

Homeless Man

The contents of this website do not reflect in any way the positions of City Year or AmeriCorps. For official City Year policy see www.cityyear.org. (yes this has to happen)

Before I start, I want everyone to watch this 2 minute video clip on City Year from the perspective of a fifth grader- it is awesome!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yezc00Cj9q8&feature=player_embedded

I have been in Boston 5 weeks and with City Year for 1 month and already I am changing. I have been fortunate enough to be completely enveloped by people whose goodness manifests differently or more effectively than my own. Like osmosis, the actions of my teammates and roommates are affecting me beyond my control- I am just soaking it in and hopefully reciprocating. I could go on and on about individuals, but I will give you a quick picture assuming I will be writing about this a lot in the upcoming months.

Each Friday morning City Year (in every site across the country) does something called PT. We say the city year pledge and the PT chant and finally we do physical training (awesome moves that I am sure Kate will be happy to demonstrate for those of you in Columbus). Each team (each at a different school) has to conquer the PT routine (absolute uniformity and perfection) in order to earn an essential uniform part: the Timbaland boots.

My team was practicing Wednesday afternoon when a homeless man approached my teammate Lisa and started talking to her about City Year and how it's so great. He was clearly in no mood to end soon, and Lisa is the type of person that will listen attentively and reach out to everyone (barring the violent) and she was not about to cut this man off. Some members of my team were saying: "Come on we have to practice- say something nice to him and then cut him off as politely as possible". Others were laughing, because Lisa frequently has stories of crazy people that shout at her or talk to her in the street, and it was striking that in a large group of people this man chose her to talk to. I participated in both reactions. Finally, we told the man that we had to practice and we started to move.

After the man had left one of our team leaders (City Year corps members who have returned to lead teams for their second year of service), Sam, called us out saying that it is unacceptable to ever laugh at a man like that. The abruptness of his comment and an immediate reflection on my behavior really startled me and made me feel very dramatically down. It was one of those moments that affects you more than you can account for. Our other team leader, Kevin, picked up on how I was feeling (it was unfortunately visible) and quietly came over to me during our routine to make sure that I was alright. Not wanting to make a scene I shook my head indicating that I was fine.

I recovered a semblance of composure and another teammate Eliza, asked me what was wrong? I knew that if I opened my mouth, I would demonstrate the opposite of being okay (a state I wanted to be), so I kept it clamped shut and shook my head again. We finished our practice and she came up to me again, and this time I felt more at ease talking with her. When the team arrived back at head quarters Kevin pulled me aside despite my reassurances that my reaction wasn't in fact a reaction to anything. I was just in one of those weird moods. He disregarded this and asked me again what was wrong. It was nice that Kevin and Eliza not only noticed, but persisted in trying to help me out.

I write this story not to relay a drama that in reality makes me cringe, but instead to point out that in the course of an hour I observed 4 of my 17 member team acting in a way that I will reflect upon in the future and try to emulate. For this reason I love meeting new people. It is not always apparent to me when I am doing something that does not reflect my values or when I should be more actively good, but when I meet and get to know others I find so many specific ways that I can improve, and specifics really help. Getting to know new people acts like religion for me.

I would love to hear feedback from those of you reading this blog in the form of "comments" or whatever. I write this not only to keep people informed, but also to keep working on my writing, so constructive feedback is crucial!!!! Also I am introducing City Year terms that I have to keep in mind you may not be familiar with: corps member versus team leader, for example. If I need to clarify further these terms or anything else that I am writing about, Hit me up!!!

Until Next Week,

Nora

First Day of School

Wednesday was the first day of school at Boston Renaissance. I started out the day in the cafeteria where I am supposed to greet kids- addressing, by creating a warm environment, the attendance issue that many underperforming schools have. By 8:05 everyone is in the classrooms. I spent -and will spend until June- each day in the 6th grade classroom with 2 co-teachers, Mr. Cobble and Ms. Kennedy (pseudonyms), who teach english and social studies to two 6th grade classes. Both teachers are new to the school, to Boston, to City Year, and to each other. I found watching the teachers progress, often as a fly on the wall, very interesting. It is so easy to identify things I would change in their approach, which is probably why many teachers dislike having other adults in the room. Ms. Kennedy informed me yesterday that she had never had one other adult in the room let alone two. She didn't seem overjoyed at the prospect.

There are going to be many knots to work out among us. Happily, both teachers tried to find a place for me in the flow of chaos. They are not teaching subjects now, but instead are introducing the students to rules and expectations through a variety of activities. There was a lot of work for the students to do independently (a euphemism for silently)and I consequently spent most of the day wandering about the classroom trying to find ways to be helpful. I struggled to contain my assistance to merely answering questions, because inevitably there would be some conversational exchange during the "silent work period". One student was clearly not working on the time line of his life (4 main events), so I thought I would go over and give him a little incentive. He had only filled out 1 of the 4 squares, so I started asking him what he was thinking he'd do for the 2nd. He didn't know. I suggested enthusiastically the first day he went to school and to add a little pomp I gave my own description: walking into school with your uniform, backpack, and lunch box- smiley and excited. He didn't go to this school and didn't wear a uniform. This prompted a conversation with his neighbor and he was lost to me.

There is one kid in the class, Lamont, that has already been singled out as one of the students I will be focusing on this year. Lamont reminds me of flubber (Flubber, 1997, starring Robin Williams). He is up and down, this way and that- I have never seen one kid create such an impression of movement within a 2 ft by 2 ft area. Needless to say at recess he was tapping the rebound away from his jumping classmates that had a one foot advantage over him and like the road runner he would zoom around them to ensure that he got the tap himself. Although he's a basically good kid, his energy is a source of major distraction for his classmates let alone himself, so I have been working with him whenever he is supposed to be doing work independently. I've been talking with him about football and his aspirations in that field. It's been excellent, because I am able to keep him on task and he is able to let off steam. I think our group in the corner is going to grow over the course of the year, and I feel that I can be a real help playing this part.

My first full week of City Year training was a good one. Friday I was finally told the school and team with whom I will be working. There had been a lot of anticipation regarding this placement. I had my sights set on the National Charter House School (NCHS), which will serve as a national pilot program, testing various approaches and techniques that will further City Year's ultimate goal, addressing the high school dropout crisis. I did everything in my power to ensure my placement at this school, I spent a lot of time working on the application, I verbally assured the City Year staff that I was enthusiastic about the program and willing to learn (not easy for me), and I tried to ask them good questions about the work that they were doing at the school. Unfortunately, I was not accepted into that program. Instead, I am at the Boston Renaissance Charter School (BRCS) and really happy with the placement.

It turns out that at BRCS there will also be opportunities to lead students in activities that are not exclusively academic (something I thought was unique to NHCS) and I was less enthusiastic about NHCS after I found out that corps members are not actually involved in the actual data analysis collected at the school. I don't have any regrets about not being placed in that school. Any negative sentiment was especially wiped out when I started to get to know my team this past weekend at a retreat. There are 15 of us and everyone has had a unique and accomplished life (this should not be shocking due to a number of experiences indicating that people are generally interesting, however, the realization still manages to surprise me). Additionally, one of the girls on my team, Uma, is actually going to attend Oberlin next year- Small world!!!!!

One exercise that we did this weekend that I found particularly intriguing was a "Leadership Compass". Each direction, North, West, East, and South, stands for different leadership traits respectively, active, analytical, visionary, and empathetic. After due consideration, I determined that I am North-East, leaning more towards the East. I had started to think that I would never be able to figure out what leadership type I am, when I recalled a plan I had for making my house more environmentally sound this past summer. This plan rapidly grew to include organizing the basement, which, in turn, necessitated an organization of the garage and finally the entire house. It was a really good plan and I was really excited about it (as I am sure anyone I was hanging out with at the time will attest to). I had details hashed out, but when I tried to follow through, I was stuck. I felt bogged down by the enormity of the task. Definite East. At the retreat we drew a compass in the sand, and my team was spread evenly around the compass. Our opinions on where we stand on the compass may change as the year progresses, but the basic idea that within one team there is such a variety of strengths and abilities to support each other where we are weakest makes me excited to work within the team this year.

I will not start working full time in the schools until October 4. Until then I will be doing training at City Year headquarters and working occasionally at the school to help the teachers set up and to welcome the students to the school. We visited the school for the first time yesterday to meet the teachers with whom we will be working. Last year Boston Renaissance was located in a 13 story building in downtown Boston. Each grade had a floor, and there were over 1000 students packed into the building- a fact that made fire drills thrilling I'm sure. The school is transferring to a renovated old mill and it is an awe-inspiring building. There is exposed brick and wood in every room. Massive arching windows look out onto a turf field and track containing a jungle gym. Vibrant colors add life to every room. The interior of the school seems to reflect the school's philosophy of being open to learning through whatever path is most effective for the individual.

I went to a briefing on the school mechanics with the 4th-6th grade teachers today, and they spent a lot of time discussing and proposing different techniques to assist each other in making learning as fun as possible. One question was, "how do we communicate the school's behavioral expectations creatively, so the students are engaged and have fun, but also learn the material?" Several ideas were thrown out and one teacher was given the floor because she apparently did an excellent job last year. The other teachers seemed to genuinely appreciate her input and I saw many taking notes. They also discussed an activity called "open circle", which they hope to implement at least two days a week, and at which the kids will have an outlet to discuss problems and issues among fellow students or in their personal lives. In these 15 minute sessions the teacher is supposed to play a hands-off role and to serve as a guide assisting the students in problem solving skills and I am sure a number of other things. There are also typically 2 teachers per classroom that collaborate together and while one teaches the other assists by working with smaller groups or by simply walking around the room to ensure that the kids are all on the same track. The Boston Renaissance Charter School needs to improve (otherwise we wouldn't be there), but it seems to me that it is headed in the right direction and I am really looking forward to observing the school and how effective they are with their creativity and fun.

I am happy to announce that I had success in the job search. After three days of applications and resumes, I was contacted by an owner of a cafe that sells coffee and deli items and focuses on locally grown produce. I had turned in my application Friday morning and heard back from the owner that night. She asked me to come in for an interview the next day. It turns out that she actually did City Year in the 90s, and she was very sympathetic to my need for a second job. I feel incredibly fortunate. The cafe has a great atmosphere (I got free coffee just for the interview and the people seem really nice), it is also a 15 minute walk and 5 minute bike ride from my apartment, and the owner said that she knows City Year is really intense, so I should keep her updated as to how I am feeling and she fully understands if I need to take a weekend off (which I am not likely to do).

Please stay in touch and write comments if you suffer the urge!!

Nora